The Lost Friend and the Memories that live on….

It’s been 6 months exactly today since i lost my best friend. El 3aryane — you’re probably looking down at me right now giggling at the fact that im spending precious time writing about you, when i should be applying for a job, as you would always encourage me to do.

So i decided, today, as i sit in my therapists waiting room, before heading in for another psychoanalysis, I’m going to write you a love note.

To the one person in my life who knew how to live and like myself, struggled to understand the true meaning of love.

“Here today, gone tomorrow”

You can only understand this phrase after losing someone you love.

No goodbyes, no goodluck's… just space… and time.

Time is what they say you need to heal, but the more time I have away from you the more confusing it all gets.

Did we value our time together enough, did i tell you how grateful i am that you understood me? Did i tell you that you kept me sane for all those years.

The opposite of being alone, the opposite of being unheard, you gave me a safe place. A space to explore my dark thoughts alongside the light ones, a place to call home, when home was too scary to go back to.

What happens to all the secrets we were yet to share, the memories we were yet to have? What happens to all the love we shared and all the knowledge we acquired?

Does it die with you? Or do these memories live on? Is death the end? Or is it just the beginning?

For now, i look up to the sky, smile and remember all the moments you chose me… you chose me to be your friend, you chose me to be your confidant and you chose me to share the darkest parts of your soul with, and i will forever be grateful, because that helped lead me to where i am today. Scared, unsure, but so aware of how much i have been loved in this life, and how much more love there is surely to come in the afterlife.

So for now, it’s a simple “see you later old friend”, this is not the end of the road for us, you taught me what it was like to live and for that i can never thank you enough.

07/06/2021